I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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