On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
