I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
