i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
