my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
