we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
