Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
