I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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