You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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