When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
