my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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