I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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