I wanna passion pit in your ass
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
