Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
