if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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