The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
