I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
