i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
