i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
