so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize