new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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