he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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