He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it glows. i had to have it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
