Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
