you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
