Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
