you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
