im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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