Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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