Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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