WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
