he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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