so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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