Your face is a jimmy john
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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