let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
