You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
