cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
