Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
