If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
