Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
