omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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