I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
