I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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