Dual....:-)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
