Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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