home. puking in laundry basket.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
