Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
