i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
