I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
