$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
