Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
