I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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