I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
