i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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