I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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