Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
